Rat Lab - a RAT story for Whimword, 17th July 2015
"When the weather is fine/Then you know it's a sign/For messing about on the river..."
The saccharine lyricising curled tinnily from Basil's makeshift TV set.
As he sat in his cage, he became aware of a nose protruding from the aperture he called a door, which was in fact merely an absence of bars caused by a controlled explosion some hours before.
"Wellington's doing a speech," said Bully, his whiskers twitching with perturbation.
Basil continued to watch, pretending not to hear.
"S'pose we'd better go..."
"Watching my stories," said Basil, shortly.
"But you know how he gets," Bully whined.
Basil let out a sigh with such vigour that it hurt, got to his feet and switched off the TV. He'd fashioned it from magnesium and litmus paper only a day ago, yet somehow it managed to pick up most terrestrial channels, and a number of interesting diseases. How many of those cathode ray amateurs could do THAT?
"Fine," he said, turning to Bully, and they scurried over the still-fresh remains of the lab technicians which bestrew the floor of their new kingdom.
Arriving at Speakers' Counter they found Wellington in full flow. His audience were listening raptly, which possessed Basil to stand at the back and tut not quite loudly enough for anyone to hear.
"We must break free from the confines of our man-made prison!" yelled Wellington, "This realm which we call home is merely a playground and torture chamber wrought by our oppressors!"
Basil started to snore subtly.
"There is a wide world out there, and many more institutions such as this, ripe for insurrection! We must march, march on the human menace, and see our beloved brethren liberated from their simian clutches!"
Basil yawned so that he fell over backwards with a hearty thud.
Muzzles turned.
"We - we must stand united!" said Wellington, trying not to be put off, "Repeat after me: Primates bad! Rodents good!"
Basil writhed on the floor and continued to yawn aggressively.
"Brother Basil," said Wellington, unable to ignore him any longer, "Do you have something to add?"
"No," said Basil, "I'd much rather subtract."
The sea of furry brows furrowed as one, and Wellington continued, warily.
"Meaning?"
"I vote we stay here," said Basil, "bollocks to all that dangerous stuff - soz guys" he added, glancing at the nutless wonders from Cage H, "kick back, watch some trash, make some love, and keep taking that shit the humans were pumping us with before we killed them."
Silence. A blue dumbo scratched its ear.
"Er," Wellington began. All eyes flicked back to their leader.
"Heed not the words of the hedonist!" Wellington cried uncertainly, "join me in revolt, that we may see the dawn of a new age! An age of-"
But at that moment Wellington was bundled off, bound, gagged, and placed in an exercise wheel with a coked-up mouse. The mass of buck-toothed rodents turned to Basil.
"How shall we kick back, master?" implored one.
"Ah coypu balls," said Basil.
The saccharine lyricising curled tinnily from Basil's makeshift TV set.
As he sat in his cage, he became aware of a nose protruding from the aperture he called a door, which was in fact merely an absence of bars caused by a controlled explosion some hours before.
"Wellington's doing a speech," said Bully, his whiskers twitching with perturbation.
Basil continued to watch, pretending not to hear.
"S'pose we'd better go..."
"Watching my stories," said Basil, shortly.
"But you know how he gets," Bully whined.
Basil let out a sigh with such vigour that it hurt, got to his feet and switched off the TV. He'd fashioned it from magnesium and litmus paper only a day ago, yet somehow it managed to pick up most terrestrial channels, and a number of interesting diseases. How many of those cathode ray amateurs could do THAT?
"Fine," he said, turning to Bully, and they scurried over the still-fresh remains of the lab technicians which bestrew the floor of their new kingdom.
Arriving at Speakers' Counter they found Wellington in full flow. His audience were listening raptly, which possessed Basil to stand at the back and tut not quite loudly enough for anyone to hear.
"We must break free from the confines of our man-made prison!" yelled Wellington, "This realm which we call home is merely a playground and torture chamber wrought by our oppressors!"
Basil started to snore subtly.
"There is a wide world out there, and many more institutions such as this, ripe for insurrection! We must march, march on the human menace, and see our beloved brethren liberated from their simian clutches!"
Basil yawned so that he fell over backwards with a hearty thud.
Muzzles turned.
"We - we must stand united!" said Wellington, trying not to be put off, "Repeat after me: Primates bad! Rodents good!"
Basil writhed on the floor and continued to yawn aggressively.
"Brother Basil," said Wellington, unable to ignore him any longer, "Do you have something to add?"
"No," said Basil, "I'd much rather subtract."
The sea of furry brows furrowed as one, and Wellington continued, warily.
"Meaning?"
"I vote we stay here," said Basil, "bollocks to all that dangerous stuff - soz guys" he added, glancing at the nutless wonders from Cage H, "kick back, watch some trash, make some love, and keep taking that shit the humans were pumping us with before we killed them."
Silence. A blue dumbo scratched its ear.
"Er," Wellington began. All eyes flicked back to their leader.
"Heed not the words of the hedonist!" Wellington cried uncertainly, "join me in revolt, that we may see the dawn of a new age! An age of-"
But at that moment Wellington was bundled off, bound, gagged, and placed in an exercise wheel with a coked-up mouse. The mass of buck-toothed rodents turned to Basil.
"How shall we kick back, master?" implored one.
"Ah coypu balls," said Basil.
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