Car-mera - a CHIMERA story for Fairy Tale Friday, 26th September 2014
There once was a man who despised the way he looked. His entire body repulsed him. He went to bed every night, gazing at himself in the ceiling-mounted mirror which he'd had INEXPLICABLY installed in his room, and sighing at his mismatched features and puny physique.
One morning however, he awoke to a stranger standing at the foot of his bed, and jumped up with a start, ejaculating loudly.
One morning however, he awoke to a stranger standing at the foot of his bed, and jumped up with a start, ejaculating loudly.
'Who you?' he mused, thunderously.
'I am a genie,' responded the genie, for he was a genie.
'I hear you are dissatisfied with yourself, so I am here to grant you a very special power. When you set foot outside your door today, any part of any creature or object you encounter will be yours for the having. You need only desire it, and any appendage or implement that takes your fancy will graft itself to you bodily.'
'My my,' said the man, and without waiting to make sure that this strange interloper was indeed a supernatural being and not some madman or burglar or shit, he ran out of his house into the street.
The first thing he saw upon entering the outside world was a car speeding past his front door.
'Wow,' he said, 'I've got to get me some of those!' (meaning the wheels).
And lo and kadabra! There upon his erstwhile feet were a pair of tyres, which lurched forward, sending him haring down the highway, a man possessed. By wheels!
'Golly,' he exclaimed, as he zig-zagged betwixt awe-fuddled motorists, trying to get a grip on his new treads.
Just then, a squawking was heard overhead, and he looked up to see a bird hovering above him.
'I'll have them an' all,' he breathed, eyeing the creature's wings.
And no sooner had he thought it, than he was soaring up above the clouds, wheels and all, the proud owner of a pair of expansive, feathery wings.
'Blimey!' he shouted, 'This is the life!'
But soon he grew tired, and quite by stupid accident found himself over a vast expanse of water, probably the sea, into which he proceeded none too gracefully to plummet, with a loud, cacophonous splash.
As he sank he cast his eyes around for some form of salvation, and saw a fish swimming by.
'Perfect!' he gargled, and promptly grew a pair of gills.
Eminently happy with his new additions, he began to swim home, shagged out after a long day's chicanery.
When he arrived at his house he found the genie stood in his garden, arms folded.
'Well,' said the genie sanctimoniously, 'what have we learned?'
'Having whatever you want is AWESOME!' said the man.
'Er … yes,' said the genie, 'but is it not ultimately better to be happy with what we have?'
He smiled helpfully at this point, and nodded, his eyes fat with condescension.
'Bitch please!' redoubled the man, 'I've got fucking WHEELS!'
And with that he ran the self-satisfied jinn into the ground, and got on with his day.
'I am a genie,' responded the genie, for he was a genie.
'I hear you are dissatisfied with yourself, so I am here to grant you a very special power. When you set foot outside your door today, any part of any creature or object you encounter will be yours for the having. You need only desire it, and any appendage or implement that takes your fancy will graft itself to you bodily.'
'My my,' said the man, and without waiting to make sure that this strange interloper was indeed a supernatural being and not some madman or burglar or shit, he ran out of his house into the street.
The first thing he saw upon entering the outside world was a car speeding past his front door.
'Wow,' he said, 'I've got to get me some of those!' (meaning the wheels).
And lo and kadabra! There upon his erstwhile feet were a pair of tyres, which lurched forward, sending him haring down the highway, a man possessed. By wheels!
'Golly,' he exclaimed, as he zig-zagged betwixt awe-fuddled motorists, trying to get a grip on his new treads.
Just then, a squawking was heard overhead, and he looked up to see a bird hovering above him.
'I'll have them an' all,' he breathed, eyeing the creature's wings.
And no sooner had he thought it, than he was soaring up above the clouds, wheels and all, the proud owner of a pair of expansive, feathery wings.
'Blimey!' he shouted, 'This is the life!'
But soon he grew tired, and quite by stupid accident found himself over a vast expanse of water, probably the sea, into which he proceeded none too gracefully to plummet, with a loud, cacophonous splash.
As he sank he cast his eyes around for some form of salvation, and saw a fish swimming by.
'Perfect!' he gargled, and promptly grew a pair of gills.
Eminently happy with his new additions, he began to swim home, shagged out after a long day's chicanery.
When he arrived at his house he found the genie stood in his garden, arms folded.
'Well,' said the genie sanctimoniously, 'what have we learned?'
'Having whatever you want is AWESOME!' said the man.
'Er … yes,' said the genie, 'but is it not ultimately better to be happy with what we have?'
He smiled helpfully at this point, and nodded, his eyes fat with condescension.
'Bitch please!' redoubled the man, 'I've got fucking WHEELS!'
And with that he ran the self-satisfied jinn into the ground, and got on with his day.
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